Why I’d Prefer You Not Call Me a Bitch (to my face).

Hey. America. Lately, in the great New York of Cities I’ve noticed that a lot of men seem to think it’s ok to call women derogatory names. Is that okay? Did I miss something? Was there a PSA that was all, “Hey ok everyone! The government shutdown is DONE! And additionally, please feel free to call any/all women a bitch to their face!” I can’t likes this. So, I did what all well intentioned sisters do, and I called my 18-year old brother and I yelled at him for no reason.

(Discussing why EAMON was “let go” from a job…it’s a Voth family tradition to be fired…)
EAMON: …yeah so and then the woman at work who makes the schedule was like, “You can’t just leave to go to the doctor when you have a shift.” I mean, what a bitch.
ME: Excuse me? You don’t know her! You don’t know her life ! You need to take that back right now!
EAMON: Why?
ME: A man should never call a woman a bitch!
EAMON: I call men bitches too.
ME: That doesn’t make me feel any better.
EAMON: It should.
ME: Why? Because I should be grateful my younger brother thinks calling anyone who is annoying to him or has a dissenting opinion or holds him accountable a bitch, and that’s fine?
EAMON: Bligh, I don’t know what you want from me.
ME: I WANT YOU TO STOP CALLING WOMEN BITCHES.
EAMON: Okay. I will. Please stop bitching at me.

…he means well. And you know what? I can be a bitch. So can everyone, on an off day. But please, don’t call me that to my face. The only person who can call me a bitch is probably my mother, and that’s really just because from the ages of thirteen to nineteen I was actually a terror. I was a terrorist. I was the Sargent Brody of bitchy terrorism. And she somehow managed not to kill me or ever call me a bitch (to my face). Even that time I kicked in a cabinet in the kitchen, she didn’t call me a bitch. Although, it was Christmas Day and it would’ve been uncouth of her to do so.

Moral here is: men of NYC. If a lady doesn’t give you the time of day, or ignores your advances, doesn’t respond when you whistle at her, or tell her you’re going to “make her your baby mama” that doesn’t so much mean she’s a bitch. It means she’s not interested, she has better things to do, she probably already has dinner plans, and she’s not trying to get an STD from you in 2013. Respect that. And if you have one, call your younger brother and tell him to shape up now and learn from your mistakes. Oh, and stop being a lil bitch .